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stare 10-10-2008, 05:00   #31
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Domyślnie Odp: A few jokes to make your day !

Elections, elections

While walking down the street one day a U.S. senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the man.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit heaven."
So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."
The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."
So, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now, the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and
caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning...... Today you voted."
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stare 10-10-2008, 11:19   #32
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Domyślnie Odp: A few jokes to make your day !

lol
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stare 27-10-2008, 20:18   #33
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Domyślnie Odp: A few jokes to make your day !

A video to make your day
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stare 27-10-2008, 20:25   #34
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Domyślnie Odp: A few jokes to make your day !

change, true
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stare 27-10-2008, 21:35   #35
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You know what - the bloody pound has gone up so much in the last month, that I am getting scared. I got used to my excessive lifestyle and now it's back to basics (Sainsbury's basics ). Do you know, that within one month the pound has gone up so much I am getting 150 pounds less from my parents than the previous month? Imagine someone cut your salary by 20% without any warning. Not to mention, that first time I met Welly 15 pounds would buy as ingredients for a decent meal and a bottle of nice wine, on Saturday I spent 25 pounds and the wine was 3 pounds.
Sorry for complaining, but I would be the guy looking at the shares graphs in that movie
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stare 27-10-2008, 21:46   #36
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regardless of whether one goes for Obama or for McCain - this is one hell of a brilliant spot. especially if you remember the old Bud ads (there were like 4 or 5, as I recall).

I read somewhere that there's also an extra treat in this: the fact that the head of the company that distributes Budweiser is none other than... Cindy McCain ironic, huh?
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stare 27-10-2008, 21:49   #37
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Yeah, yeah, I totally know the origin of wassup Didn't know about Cindy McCain though - I presume this is his wife?

I just think I'm catching up with the whole credit crunch now - cos the pound is going up again and before it was going down at an equal rate to the prices going up. Suddenly I'm like, crap, this is really some deep shit Anyway, that's a good thought for another topic
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stare 27-10-2008, 21:53   #38
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Domyślnie Odp: A few jokes to make your day !

Cytat:
Napisał Jelonek Zobacz post
Didn't know about Cindy McCain though - I presume this is his wife?
yep

don't even get me started on the credits and money loss and all that...
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stare 27-10-2008, 21:56   #39
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Domyślnie Odp: A few jokes to make your day !

Haha, I only woke up with the whole crisis and shit, apparently this stuff has been going on for over a year now - who would have thought
But apparently Poland isn't that bad I hear. Though my parents are starting to shit themselves, especially that they were just bought by a stock-listed company. Don't have to mention how that is going, huh?
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stare 27-10-2008, 22:12   #40
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tell me about it... my uncle's lost 70% of his money in stock exchange. and we were in luck, we literally took the credit for our new flat in the last moment, when the conditions were pretty good - now most of the people that apply won't even get one...
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stare 27-10-2008, 22:17   #41
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Domyślnie Odp: A few jokes to make your day !

My brother pulled out his shares last minute - after already loosing some money. I luckily never had any money to invest
Mum is trying to convince me to buy a flat in Britain, since they are going to be on the rise soon, and the prices seem to be at its lowest, but for me it's such a massive decision I don't think I can quite do it. I don't know. Probably when I decide where to buy one it will be too late. Eh.
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stare 28-10-2008, 23:28   #42
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Domyślnie Odp: A few jokes to make your day !

So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor. I mean he's a pistol.
He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT !".
But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you", and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird, and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush. At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says:
"Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.
Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?

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stare 18-11-2008, 18:41   #43
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Domyślnie Odp: A few jokes to make your day !

http://www.geekologie.com/2008/11/go...ts_drawing.php

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stare 18-11-2008, 19:11   #44
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Domyślnie Odp: A few jokes to make your day !

I will try that with my bank next time
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stare 18-11-2008, 19:44   #45
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Domyślnie Odp: A few jokes to make your day !

I nearly died laughing that bloke has a wicked sense of humour
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