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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
hahaha dobre!
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Odp: three wishes
Cytat:
Cause they don't have chips producing music implanted in their breasts? ;) Cytat:
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS: Maria. ____________ _________ _________ ______ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. ____________ _________ _________ _________ ___ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D- I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. ____________ _________ _________ ____ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! ____________ _________ _________ _________ ___ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. ____________ _________ _________ _________ TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.' MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' ____________ _________ _________ ___ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand. ____________ _________ _________ ________ TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ____________ _________ _________ TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. ____________ _________ _________ _____ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher ____________ _________ _________ ____ |
Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
a friend of mine had the following status on facebook today:
Cytat:
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
a frickin' elephant!
A class of five-year old students are learning to read. One of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, "Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!" The teacher took a deep breath, then asked..."What did you call it?" "It's a frickin' elephant!It says so on the picture!" And so it does... " A f r i c a n Elephant " |
Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes
(Must Read Out Loud) 1. That's not right - Sum Ting Wong 2. Are you harbouring a fugitive - Hu Yu Hai Ding 3. See me ASAP - Kum Hia 4. Stupid Man - Dum Fuk 5. Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni 6. Did you go to the beach - Wai Yu So Tan 7. I bumped the coffee table - Ai Bang Fa Kin Ni 8. I think you need a face lift - Chin Tu Fat 9. It's very dark in here - Wai So Dim 10. I thought you were on a diet - Wai You Kum Ching 11. This is a tow away zone - No Pah King 12. Our meeting is scheduled for next week - Wai Yu Kum Nao 13. Staying out of sight - Lei Ying Lo 14. He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka 15. Your body odor is offensive - Yu Stin Ki Pu 16. Great - Fa Kin Su Pa |
Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
boskie :D
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four-hour, surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears equipped to give him a partial sponge bath. Nurse', she hears from behind the mask, 'Are my testicles black? Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know,Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.' He struggles to speak with the mask on, and she hears: 'Please, Nurse, are my testicles black?' Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.Then, she takes a close look and finally says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!' The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely...... 'A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - back? |
Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
Note Found on the Refrigerator One Morning : |
Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
Little Bruce
Mohammed entered his classroom. "What is your name?" asked the teacher. "Mohammed".... answered the kid. "We are in Australia and, there is no Mohammed. From now on your name will be Bruce," replied the teacher. In the evening, Mohammed returned home. "How was your day, Mohammed?" asked his mother. "My name is not Mohammed, I am in Australia and now my name is Bruce." "Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to disown your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you," and she beat him. Then she called the father and he too beat him savagely. The next day Mohammed returned to school. When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked: "What happened to you little Bruce?" "Well, Miss, 2 hours after becoming Australian I was attacked by two fuckin’ Arabs!..." |
Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
hahaha dobre, dobre :)
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
lol, the last one was totally politically-incorrect hilarious hahaha
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.' The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.' Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress. 'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man. 'Same,' says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.' Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?' 'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.' 'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!' 'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man.. The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?' The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.' |
Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
That's brilliant hahaha
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
Hue hue hue ...hahaha
An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa A few days later he received a letter from his son. Dear Pop, Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried. Love, VinnieThe letter was intercepted and at 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That next day the old man received another letter from his son. Dear Pop, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love you, Vinnie |
Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
ten dowcip znam w wersji z synem -arabskim terrorysta i spulchnieniem przez FBI pola ziemniakow w poszukiwaniu trotylu
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
I love this story! What a kind and thoughtful son :)
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
that's a great one!!!!!
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
Ciesze sie ze moglam wywolac usmiech na waszych twarzach ;-)
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
Yeah, it's great but i guess that somebody else had written this joke here before :)
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
Awful stereotype, but still: i like this joke :)
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!!! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving." |
Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
LOL - I could tell the same joke, just the other way around :P
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the
following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English." Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?" Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war" :D :D :D |
Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
that's a bloody good one :D
I am borrowing this for my fb status today ;) |
Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
hu hu huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu !! good one !
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
Pants and Panties
Mike was going to be married to Karen so his Father sat him down for a little chat. He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, 'Here, try these on.'' She did and said, 'These are too big. I can't wear them.' I replied, 'Exactly.. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' Ever since that night, we have never had any problems. 'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try. On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, 'Here, try these on..' She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me.' Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that.' Then Karen took off her panties and handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here, you try on mine..' Mike did and said, 'I can't get into your panties.' Karen said, 'Exactly. And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will.' |
Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
hilarious hahaha
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
Aaaa, that one is so good :) I dont think I will risk telling that joke to Welly though ;)
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
I found it at sb's FB profile. I hope nobody gets offended ;)
. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big penis or a good memory.. I don't remember, what I chose. 2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects. 4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...' 5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together. 6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth. 7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly. 8. Virginity can be cured. 9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity. 10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. 11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small. 12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy. 13. Q: What's an Australian kiss? A: The same thing as a French |
Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
Amapola, you lost the ending of last answer.
I had to google, as i didn't get the joke. It should be: Q: What's an Australian kiss? A: The same thing as a French, only down under |
Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
oh, yeah, you're right. thanks :)
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
A Lion would never cheat on his wife... but a Tiger wood :D
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
Cytat:
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
Mean ;)
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
Someone really stinks
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?" Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?" The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make." And she says, "So have I, love." To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks." |
Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
lol :D
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/...91f87293c1.jpg
I cannot stop wondering, who in the bloody hell could have invented that sentence anyway and what that person was thinking :D a pen in a goat/ a goat in a pen is not exactly an image that comes to a sane person's mind. not as disturbing as the above, but still ;) |
Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
:ekk::omg:OMG! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iN...eature=related
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
They're not supposed to be smart or elloquent - they're supposed to be pretty ;)
(shame she is neither really ;)) |
Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
a to juz tu u nas bylo ;)
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
nie widziałam
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
bo to chyba dawno bylo ;) i nawet nie chce mi sie szukac gdzie :P
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
This is not a real joke but an e-mail from my boss ;) that can also make your day. :D
This is a message for the “ladies” among us. However, I am no longer sure that the label “ladies” is still appropriate noticing that we need to put a paper in the toilet to ensure that it is left as clean you would like to see it for yourself. It is even worse if you know that the toilets were cleaned just this morning. On top of that I just noticed that the last one taking the last bit of toilet paper has no consideration about the situation the next lady will find herself in when using the toilet. It is below all “caring” (see notes of the previous staff retreat) for colleagues to act like this so I urge all of you to pay attention and to ensure that everybody can enjoy their human right to a clean toilet. |
Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
hahaha hahaha hahaha
I already like your boss, Hainaut! :) "everybody can enjoy their human right to a clean toilet" :D |
Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
dobre Magi :)
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
Uwielbiam PhD comics :D I czytam z sentymentem ;)
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
Znamy, znamy ;) Ja mam PhD comics na fb zalinkowane, więc przychodzi mi wiadomośc, jak jest nowy odcinek :D
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Odp: A few jokes to make your day !
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