[kiwigirl]

> Three Minute Management Course.

>"6" very important management lessons.

> Lesson 1:

> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
> shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel
> and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the
> next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800
> to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel
> and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800
> and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
> When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob
> the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he
> say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

> Moral of the story:
> If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in
>time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


> Lesson 2:

> A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing
> her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
> controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,
> "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing
> gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said,
> "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the
> flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his
> arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go
> forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

> Moral of the story:
> If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
> opportunity.



> Lesson 3:

> A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch
> when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The
> Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!"
> says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat,
> without a care in the world. "Puff! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the
> sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal
> masseuse, an endless supply of Pena Coladas and the love of my life." Puff!
> He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says,
> "I want those two back in the office after lunch."


> Moral of the story:
> Always let your boss have the first say.


> Lesson 4

> An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw
> the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle
> answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle
> and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

> Moral of the story:
> To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up


> Lesson 5

> A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the
> top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well,
> why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're
> packed with nutrients. "The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it
> actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
> The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
> Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of
> the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

> Moral of the story:
> Bull Sh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


> Lesson 6

> A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
> froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a
> cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in
> the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was
> actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to
> sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate...
> Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
> dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

> Moral of the story:
> (1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy
> (2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend
> (3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!


> This ends the 3-minute management course
>
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