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stare 11-12-2006, 15:23   #1
kiwigirl
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Domyślnie A few jokes to make your day !

What my naughty brother-in-law has sent me recently... :


Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips that can store and play music inside women's breasts.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.



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(Probably only for married people)

Marriage Counselling

A husband and wife came for counselling after 15 years of marriage.

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate,
painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had.

She went on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to continue for a length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk, asked the woman to stand, and embraced and kissed her passionately. The woman quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least three times a week. Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I go fishing."



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Magical Sandals...

This married couple were on holiday in Jamaica.

They were touring around the marketplace looking at goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop."

So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex."

Well, the wife is interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god that he was. The husband asked the man...."How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"

The Jamaican replied.... "Just try dem on mon."
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years!!

In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips. The Jamaican then began screaming...

... "YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET, MON!!!!!!!"



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GENDER-BASED PRAYERS

> >THE WOMAN'S PRAYER

Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed, when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.

> >THE MAN'S PRAYER
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor
store and a golf course.

This doesn't rhyme and I don't care.
Amen.
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