A few jokes to make your day !

[Gabi]

What an imagination . But the girl was really patient

[Bibster]

Something from i've laughed with AJ so hard, till we both cried

http://www.engrish.com/

It's even more fun if you read comments of guy, who's posting pictures.

[Aniutka]

Napisał Gabi

But the girl was really patient

Sending back the spider

[kiwigirl]

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now have to enter a password.

Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife 's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in...

P.....

E.....

N.....

I.....

S.....
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

PASSWORD DENIED - NOT LONG ENOUGH

[Gabi]

poor guy

[latouche]

dobre!

[Judyta]

Napisał kiwigirl

> >>>PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!! [/hide:11056d2cde]

Cause they don't have chips producing music implanted in their breasts?

Napisał Anna_ET

Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, "Shoulda' bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda' bought a hat."

Brilliant

[Jelonek]

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________ _________ _________ ______

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
____________ _________ _________ _________ ___

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D- I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _____

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
____________ _________ _________ ____

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
____________ _________ _________ _________ ___

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
____________ _________ _________ _________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
____________ _________ _________ ___

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
____________ _________ _________ ________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
____________ _________ _________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
____________ _________ _________ _____

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
____________ _________ _________ ____

[Magi]

a friend of mine had the following status on facebook today:

L.T.M. says condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.

[kiwigirl]

a frickin' elephant!

A class of five-year old students are learning to read.
One of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said,
"Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!"

The teacher took a deep breath, then asked..."What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' elephant!It says so on the picture!"

And so it does...



" A f r i c a n Elephant "

[dorotea]

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes

(Must Read Out Loud)

1. That's not right - Sum Ting Wong
2. Are you harbouring a fugitive - Hu Yu Hai Ding
3. See me ASAP - Kum Hia
4. Stupid Man - Dum Fuk
5. Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni
6. Did you go to the beach - Wai Yu So Tan
7. I bumped the coffee table - Ai Bang Fa Kin Ni
8. I think you need a face lift - Chin Tu Fat
9. It's very dark in here - Wai So Dim
10. I thought you were on a diet - Wai You Kum Ching
11. This is a tow away zone - No Pah King
12. Our meeting is scheduled for next week - Wai Yu Kum Nao
13. Staying out of sight - Lei Ying Lo
14. He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka
15. Your body odor is offensive - Yu Stin Ki Pu
16. Great - Fa Kin Su Pa

[magdalenamm]

boskie

[kiwigirl]

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four-hour,
surgical procedure.

A young student nurse appears equipped to give him a partial sponge bath.
Nurse', she hears from behind the mask, 'Are my testicles black?
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know,Sir.
I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'

He struggles to speak with the mask on, and she hears:
'Please, Nurse, are my testicles black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry,
she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other,
lifting and moving them around.Then, she takes a close look and finally says,
'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely......




'A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - back?

[kiwigirl]

Note Found on the Refrigerator One Morning :


My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending th e evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset----I shall be home before midnight.When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old.
As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.

[kiwigirl]

Little Bruce

Mohammed entered his classroom.
"What is your name?" asked the teacher.

"Mohammed".... answered the kid.
"We are in Australia and, there is no Mohammed. From now on your name will be Bruce," replied the teacher.

In the evening, Mohammed returned home.
"How was your day, Mohammed?" asked his mother.
"My name is not Mohammed, I am in Australia and now my name is Bruce."
"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to disown your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you," and she beat him.
Then she called the father and he too beat him savagely.

The next day Mohammed returned to school.
When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked:
"What happened to you little Bruce?"
"Well, Miss, 2 hours after becoming Australian I was attacked by two fuckin’ Arabs!..."